Friendship locked.

Friendship locked.

Mildred Brodsky is my mother’s best friend. They were in the Army Air Corps together as World War II WACs, they lived near one another in spacious apartments in Bedford Stuyvesant, Brooklyn, they protested, argued, and supported one another for as long as I can remember. They exemplified friendship. When Milly’s husband Zvi, died, Mom and I were there, when either of them needed to go somewhere and didn’t have a babysitter, we’d show up at each other’s apartments. Milly’s daughter, Debbi, and I grew up together. There is something about the imprint of those young years that doesn’t grow old.

I miss those days. Sitting on my father’s shoulders or holding his hand as we walked one long block to the Brooklyn Museum and surrounding park . He pushed me on the swings, caught me at the bottom of the slide before my rump hit the ground and brought me to marvel at the labyrinth of Lionel trains within the grand hallway of the museum.

There is grandeur.

In grandeur.

Milly and my mom took us to the supermarket and placed us in shopping carts. Debbi and I wreaked havoc by yelling the names of body parts (usually private ones) that our mother’s so proudly and boldly taught us. While the words were anatomically accurate, we were not interested in showing off our smarts to strangers, we knew well how to embarrass our mothers. And we did so exquisitely! My mom and Milly walked away from us and the carts. In those days, you could do that for short periods without fearing someone would steal your child.

Milly had an operation yesterday and is on her way to a rehab in New Jersey. It’s difficult knowing someone you love is vulnerable and in pain. Debbi showed Milly the picture of my young mom in the post, What The ???? – https://wendykarasin.com/2014/02/11/what-the/ . A reminder of a stronger, healthier time. Milly smiled, recognizing Mom immediately, calling her by her Yiddish nickname, Bleemie.

I wept when Debby told me. The ache of missing my parents doesn’t leave, especially when poked with reminders. Like wood in the fireplace, stirred flames rekindle my smoldering heart.Time eases the intensity of my emotions but when located so near the surface, they are easily stoked.

And there they rest, as they should, in a place of honor reserved for special, not perfect, parents.

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Daily Prompt: I Did it My Way

Describe the one decision in your life where you wish you could get a “do-over.” Tell us about the decision, and why you’d choose to take a different path this time around.
My divorce. Not regarding whether or not it should have happened, it did (besides that’s another conversation entirely). But regarding the manner in which it happened. I was (characteristically) naive and hopeful that we could remain kind (loving?) through the process. That did not occur. I’ve heard it said that if that did happen, people would not get divorced. This is a requisite pre-divorce joust to emotionally separate, they say. Perhaps. I’m not sure I buy the premise.
Consider other possibilities.

Consider other possibilities.

The part that feels schizophrenic is that these two people loved one another enough to marry, shared financial endeavors, secrets and possibly children. What happened to their love? Where did it go? Why is it so difficult to resurrect? Even if we accept the notion that love dies or changes, what happened to the basic tenets of fair play? Treating someone the way you would want to be treated? Am I behaving idealistically again?

And thrive.

My divorce was complicated for many reasons. His behavior, my behavior, the pasts that we brought into our marriage. Expectations, fear, anger, lies, loyalty, disloyalty – we each have a laundry list with accompanying emotions. I can’t help but wonder if there are nicer ways to go through this break up. Not weaker, nicer. Communication and common courtesy should not die because one’s marriage does.
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What The ????

IMG_0012My mother insisted that those who felt the need to curse didn’t have a proper grasp of language. She did not appreciate the distinct pleasure in emphasis or ease cursing provided. She NEVER saw the point. It offended her ears and sensibilities.

I did not inherit her dislike, although growing up I did my best not to curse in front of her. A stray syllable may have slid past my teeth, on rare occasion a fully formed word. More often, in order to avoid her disgusted glare, I found less disagreeable ways to express myself.

SC3430000003A0000027AShe wasn’t wrong. It is the easy way out. It takes little thought to curse. Like a reflex, it just happens. My mother had a deep respect for the English language that bordered on purist. I thought her ruminations foolish, limited, uncool. She didn’t care. She was a bulldog when it came to her ideals.

I curse. My kids curse (although when they overly-curse I start to feel like my mother did). The words are generalized, imprecise. Think about when you curse…burning yourself taking a hot pan from the oven, the driver in front of you moves dangerously or unexpectedly, your air conditioning dies in the heat of summer, you can’t find your wallet or keys. Reactive, tactless, devoid of thought.

Life is big and fun and pretty.

Life is big and fun and pretty.

A (my) Mommy-ism: The easy way is the hard way in the end. Consider the meaningful moments in your life and consider cursing through or at them. Your first job interview, your boss, your mother (in my case), marriage, your book signing, the birth of your child, your retirement party. Not eloquent. Not fluent. Not pretty.

There are times and places when nothing feels quite as genuine as cursing. I remain guilty of using these words as much as anyone. But people. We have language. Let’s use it.

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Happy 50th to Ed and the Beatles!

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Oddly, I never published this…so here it is, a few days late.

The weekend was perfect. Perfect! Friday afternoon I Valentine’s Day shopped, including cards and small calendars with inspirational quotes for the special women in my life. Friday evening significant other and I had a lovely dinner at a French restaurant situated, conveniently, Continue reading

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Sometimes I Wish I Were A Koala

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Me and my parents

The thing about life is it’s a teeter-totter. Every day.

I get into grooves for periods of time (sometimes long periods of time) and think I’ve found the answer. But my body, my mind, the environment, a relationship, will eventually show me that re-balancing is required. For reasons unclear, I don’t want to re-balance, not initially. I want to hold on to what worked. Continue reading

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Smiling Yogini

IMG_0044The petite and flexible Japanese woman who teaches my Tuesday morning yoga class commands our attention by softly tapping a metal bowl with a metal instrument. Three times. The sound floats through the air with a smooth reverberation that stops the chatter in the room wordlessly.

In her second language of English she asks us to settle into our bodies and own them. To leave the world beyond her front door where it is, outside. Continue reading

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Snowstorm Number What?

Snowstorm # 3, 2014!

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Upstairs view

The snow fell in large flakes at 5 a.m. yesterday. It wasn’t a whiteout but it was steady and accumulating fast. Over 6″ had fallen on all surfaces. The reason I know this is because my sleeping habits are sometimes interrupted, at odd and varying hours, throughout the night and early morning.

 I grabbed my phone, the nearest camera to my bed, and started snapping. Continue reading

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