Happy Birthday

Had my father lived beyond his 84th birthday, he would have been 91 on July 18th. The day was warm, sunny, and long.

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As I sat next to my computer that morning, going over calendar and emails, I whispered a birthday wish to him, and silently told him all that was going on. My son’s impending nuptials is making my parents’ absence palpable. I miss them. I want them involved. I want them here, on this earth, in this plane, to share the experience with me. It makes no sense that people who loved my son the way they did would not be at his wedding. But of course, it does make sense, I just don’t like it.

A part of me believes they know. A part of me pictures them sitting beside one another in throne-like wing chairs, nimble fingers holding glasses of champagne to celebrate the occasion, ready to watch a private screening of the wedding of their first grandson. I envision tears of joy, and wide toothy smiles. They are holding hands. The contentious divorce they had gone through ages ago hardly a distant memory.

Leaving the computer and thoughts of my mom and dad, I headed to the dentist for my 10:20 a.m. appointment. Only two cavities after umpteen years of cleanings, I am pretty proud of myself. While I sat in the examining room, alone, waiting for the Novocaine to kick in, my father’s favorite song came on the radio. “Blue Moon”. Call it a coincidence but I took it as a sign that he was with me and that he heard everything I said that morning.

My breath slowed, reflecting the calming effect he had on me, and somehow I believed that everything was going to be alright, whatever that might mean.

When my daughter-in-law to be called to ask what kind of music I’d like to hear at the wedding, I named the usual: Beatles, Motown, Van Morrison, James Taylor. But I also considered “Blue Moon” (for dad) and “Blossom” (for mom).

At this particular moment however, I do not believe I need a song to feel my parents’ inclusion, I believe they will already be there, comfortably seated in white wing chairs with lavender pillows, surrounded by a supernatural peace and love emanating so ubiquitously that it would be impossible for us not to feel their company.

Love

 

About wendykarasin

I am complicated and seeking - joy and sorrow, country and city, competition and cooperation. After behavior of a gregarious nature, I require down time to refuel. My loves are children, family, friends, reading, writing, blogging, fitness, and health. I feel most alive when I stay true to my core values. Beauty makes me happy, pain helps me grow.
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