My son is getting married in July. To a wonderful woman.
How then is it possible, after this many decades on the earth, I never (REALLY) noticed how little time and attention a groom gets?
I made a decision (my significant other suggested it, I dismissed it, then luckily reconsidered) to invite my son for a special dinner, ostensibly to discuss the mother/son song we would dance to at his wedding.
But the evening was so much more.
I picked him up at his apartment and we drove to Manhattan together. We found a parking garage near the restaurant where we are having our rehearsal dinner.
The atmosphere was relaxed and the staff managed to balance the ability to be attentive without being annoying. After a glass (or two) of a delicious Sauvignon Blanc we got down to the business of food tasting. Appetizers, main courses, desserts. Unbelievable desserts. We also, as the evening wore on, talked about topics ranging from silly and funny to serious and real.
My son is a skilled and honest assessor of people and situations. He thinks things through, unwilling to buy into what others conclude. He doesn’t (I don’t know how) take it personally – even when it comes too close to the vest (for me).
I’m proud of him and the relationship we’ve cemented, and I look forward to changes even as I fear them. These changes are good.
Sons (at least mine) are not big talkers. It takes them a moment, and the moment has to feel right. When we are able to hit upon those moments though, they are heavenly. I enjoy their perspectives, both as male children and as adults.
There is a closeness that comes from sharing. Women have long known this and engage more easily. But women can also gossip and small talk. They can get overly involved with situations and people that don’t deserve the energy they pull. Men don’t want to waste the words, or the time, on topics and people they don’t see a direct benefit to sharing with. Most are more rationally, less emotionally, driven in their decision-making and responses.
One never knows what the future holds, but one can be aware that the experiences along the way can build a bridge of stepping stones that lead toward or away from the relationships we care to develop. Choose with care. And love.