I Thought My Father Was God

I hope this does not insult believers, it’s not my intention. But I did think my father was God, at least in the eyes of his young daughter. His intelligence, his swift and capable handling of arising problems, his compassionate and caring mannerisms, his protective personality. I felt safe and fearless in his care. Isn’t that what faith is about?

I felt this with Mom, too. But the frequencies were different, feminine/masculine energy, yin/yang, etc. She did protect me – my mother was compact but powerful, her size gave her an edge, her strength was unexpected, her movements swift with intention. Mostly she was the nurturer, the feeder, the one who sat and talked to me late into the evening.

My youth, even with divorce and the ugliness and shame that evoked, was happy. There was stability, routine, and popularity enough to make it work. My parents were available, just not together. While I loathed this fact, I learned there were advantages. I had more alone time with each of them, our time, while perhaps less flowing, was more intentional. We were aware, especially with my dad, that it would end.

I think that going through tough times early in life has advantages – particularly when primary needs (and beyond) are taken care of. And mine were. The disruption that difficult times cause brings with it awareness, presence, feelings – all the little reminders of being alive. Troubled times set me up to appreciate fun times. This wasn’t a conscious decision on my part, it was by default – but it was.

So, while I am aware that my mom and dad are not God, I am just as aware that they were two of the most influential people in my young, and adult, life. They taught by example. They were smart, thoughtful, selfish, injured and loving people. They gave me life and care and attention and guidance. I do not believe I can adequately thank them, although I do not believe they would need me to. I, as a parent, can pass it forward.
And that is enough.


About wendykarasin

I am complicated and seeking - joy and sorrow, country and city, competition and cooperation. After behavior of a gregarious nature, I require down time to refuel. My loves are children, family, friends, reading, writing, blogging, fitness, and health. I feel most alive when I stay true to my core values. Beauty makes me happy, pain helps me grow.
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15 Responses to I Thought My Father Was God

  1. mimijk says:

    The love you feel for them is palpable – and that I am sure they felt too. TO bring these gifts to your own children, is the greatest gift you could give.

    • wendykarasin says:

      I agree Mimi, the fact that I am able to pass my love and devotion forward, is a testament to the parenting they provided. I feel very lucky (as the child and the parent).

      Sent from my iPhone


  2. joatmon14 says:

    I believe that the best gift I can give my parents, is to pay their love forward to my kids. After all, I am pretty sure that they like my kids better than me anyway 🙂 (kidding….sort of)

  3. Your posts about your parents always ravage me deeply. Is your book a springboard from some of this intense emotion?

    • wendykarasin says:

      Loss, pain, parents – these life aspects can be fraught with intense emotion, it certainly is so for me. They are then further complicated by issues and feelings that are unexpected. Ones we can not minimize or dismiss. It is through these types of struggle, that we rearrange our priorities, actions and even personalities. Not sure what you mean about the book being a springboard. The posts and the book share the common element of the people and the subject matter discussed. Generally not using one to enhance or create the other. Does that answer your question?

  4. My greatest hope is to give my kids the same love, devotion, and support that my mom gave me. 🙂

    • wendykarasin says:

      Aww, miss ladyunemployed, a curve ball. I expected a comment about working, love that you talked about parenting though. It’s my greatest hope as well ( and since mine are grown, I’m thinking I did it!). I like your blog and the way you write. How old are your kids?

  5. wendykarasin says:

    Oh, better yet, thinking about it in advance. I like that! If you ever want advice – I’m here (although I have full faith you will handle whatever). I am the single mother of four kids – ranging from 22 – 30. It takes a lot of love, devotion and intense commitment. But there’s nothing better you’ll receive in return. My take, anyway.

  6. gjoelfranco says:

    I thought my mom and dad were Gods as well! They are my real role models in many ways. Of course I want to strangle them many times, but I am where I am because of what they did and gave me. Loved your post!

    • wendykarasin says:

      Thanks, those are nice words and I feel the same way, that’s what makes it real, not a fairy tale. In my parents’ absence, I realize all the more who they were and how much I miss them. Like Joni Mitchell said, “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.”

  7. Mara Eastern says:

    This is an interesting and touching piece, great job!

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