A late start, that’s okay, inspiration can come from the strangest places. The beauty of slowing down is that you miss less. What pulled me into the moment with my parents’, and grabbed me fast, was the time limitation. I could not put off for later what I wasn’t willing to handle now because I wasn’t sure there would be a later.
There is a larger lesson looming. How do I bring that state of mind, that focused loving energy I was able to manage with my parents, into my everyday life? I’m back to an older pattern of thinking that allows me to put off something in the present, something I may not consider pressing, for something that needs handling now. The difference between the urgent and the important. (Example: Paying my bills instead of having breakfast with my son.) I suppose life with my parents then, was urgent and important, so the pull to engage was as strong as the urge to push through a contraction when giving birth. But it was the importance of the moments spent together, small and large, that have sustained me since. I will be forever grateful for that time with them, even the times that cracked me open like a fragile egg, because I found emotions so deep, I am a better person for them.
I’m back to believing, erroneous, that our time tables are infinite. Although I comprehend the concept, my behavior lags my understanding. This is one of the reasons I practice yoga, there is nothing happening other than poses, Vinyasa series, breath and awareness. The pleasant sounds of bells and om’s and smells of essential oils, even though we are working, bring relaxation into the room. I leave these classes, usually, feeling calmer and more connected than when I arrived. Until I get in my car and become too aware of the people who drive, in my opinion, like idiots. Judgmental and impatient, it takes a moment before I can laugh at how upset I get. Once I laugh, the spell is broken (even though I still don’t understand why certain people are allowed to drive).
If my blood pressure rises and the circumstances have not changed, who is getting hurt? Yep, exactly. Pain and upset catch our attention fast. I am looking for other, less intense, reminders to stay clear, calm, present and peaceful.