Wendy Karasin – Musings of a Boomer

I’ve learned that life will throw me strong curve balls, some of which I can dodge, some of which are direct hits. I’ve learned that even the direct hits, don’t kill me. I’ve learned that pain and joy are sometimes the opposite side of the same coin, situation, attitude. I’ve learned that my mind and body can go crazy with stress, but that rarely untangles the issue. I’ve learned that most problems are solvable, with enough thought and distance. I’ve learned that taking care of myself is all the more necessary when I’m down. I’ve learned that nothing, other than myself, can really stop me. I’ve learned that I can put up with a lot, and keep going.  I’ve learned that certain people, who are no longer in my life, I can miss forever. I’ve learned that I am bigger, and stronger, than I’d imagined. I’ve learned that large, amorphous happiness is harder to locate than smaller, more specific happiness. I’ve learned that challenges are often opportunities to molt out of skin that has become too small. I’ve learned that sometimes, all we need is a new toolbox. And I’ve learned that peace is harder to attain as problems loom large, which is all the more reason to dig deeper to find it. 

Poetry, often the ambiguous entity that it is, charged with implication, sensation and concept condensed in a literary work, holds a special challenge for me. I’m passively called to try out my wits, my learning and my rhyme. Truth as perception, all I see, hear, feel and experience, from within, toward without. I like writing poetry and love the room it leaves for interpretation.

Good poetry manages to offer an exactitude in few words. Conveying one’s thoughts in this manner requires skill.

My sincere desire, as a writer in any form, is to touch others through and with my words. Some experiences are so ubiquitous to human nature, that they are universal and transcendent. As many who know me are aware, I wrote a book after losing both of my parents. A grief stricken and redemptive work. Very real, educational, and ultimately uplifting. I am now talking with publishing, and self publishing houses to see what makes the most sense. It’s overwhelming and exciting as so many big moves in life are, but overall, I’m thankful for the chance to pursue this lifelong dream.

This poem is one of my favorites, I wrote it ages ago for a dear friend, but it’s a dedication to friendships, generally.

What is a friend?

So it is asked

or thought, perhaps

in ambiguity of design 

I shall try to define mine.

Softness in color

in structure and feeling

or rainbows colliding,

melting and mixing,

yet distinct,

essence their own.

A song hummed

in variety of tones,

expressions,

smiles, gleaming eyes

ties…….

All so natural

in every way

no matter what the message be

as long or short

mild or intense

as is necessary.

For you I clap, I jump,

I dance

prance – in plumage galore

in feeling much more.

Sunshine and warmth 

of dewdripped sky

I,

in every measure

am your friend.

Wendy Perlick Karasin

Necessity being the mother of invention that she is, (no pre-planned, prepared in advance writings) I am going to share two poems that I wrote in college. One today and one tomorrow. Today’s is the shorter of the two, and it (ironically) hung on the wall of our favorite bar in town. 

Thou art mine,

I am thine

in everlasting harmony 

for all we need to sense

is just the wonder and

the beauty of,

this great expanse and constancy

the fitting of our minds

and bodies

into oneness,

into giving love.

Wendy Perlick Karasin

There are weeks when I’m organized regarding my blog writings, where I’ve considered what I want to say in advance and have the outlines, or fully written paragraphs, for the posts. And then there are weeks (this one for example) where I’m winging it daily as appointments and/or life get in the way of smooth writing (if there is such a thing). 

Since I want to practice what I preach (not preach exactly), I choose to stay in the moment, with the uncertainty, observing myself and the words that make it onto this page. I did write a short outline yesterday but I’m scrapping it because I’m not feeling it. We all go through moments, days, weeks (?) when we aren’t as focused, or managing our time as competently, as we would like. We don’t always admit this to others (thinking it makes us look weak, stupid, add whatever word fits). Sometimes we can’t even admit it to ourselves. I’m admitting it. I am forced to pull more deeply on my consciousness, because I am unable to rely on (today) what usually gets me through (organization and responsible pre-planning). 

The point? We are human, with all that entails. Our brilliance and our misconceptions, our directness and our meanderings, our confidences and our uncertainties. Who among us can say with any authority that one way will ultimately bring better rewards, more happiness? We will see what resonates tomorrow but for now, I do believe I like it this way. 

Why is it, with all we know about time, wisdom and experience, we are still a nation fanatically looking to hold onto our youth? Youth holds a beauty and innocence that is magnificent, it is true. But do we really place such small significance on who we are now and all we’ve weathered that we virtually run in reverse to hold onto it? What about all we’ve gained over the years?

On many levels I like the person I have become more than my younger self. I was passionate, fired up, fun. I loved learning, and most of these qualities I’ve maintained, perhaps as part of my personality. But I’ve softened in ways I greatly prefer. I’ve learned how and when to communicate more effectively, I’m much better able (and willing) to see another’s perspective, and time has polished and smoothed my rough edges. My body and face show the years I’ve spent here, but isn’t that precisely the point? I’ve had 4 children, I’ve had supportive and loving family and friends, I’ve been divorced, I’ve had wonderful times with song and belly laughs and painful times of sadness and sobbing. I may not have the energy, strength, or perpetual motion of my younger years, but I have peace, the sense to slow down and smell the proverbial roses, and a deep understanding of what actually matters.

Would it not be wonderful to see each other from that standpoint? What has this person been through? How have they developed and coped? Although it is lovely to look at someone pretty and/or handsome, what superficial qualities are we seductively choosing as important if that’s all we see? And what does that say about any of us? 

Youth may see being openhearted and compassionate as a weakness, but as we age, generally speaking, I think we embrace what youth curtails. All stages of life have their advantages and their encumbrances. Maybe it’s about enjoying and being grateful for whatever stage we now occupy.

There’s very little, when you hit it right, that feels as good as hanging with family, where an inherent comfort, familiarity, and love flows as smoothly as a running river. Needless to say, this is not always the case – AND – these feelings can change from one experience to another even with the same group of people.

But this past weekend, I was lucky enough to have that kind of family time with my brother, sister in law, one of my nieces, and three of my four children. A boyfriend and girlfriend joined us, who felt like family too. Our time together was easy, active, enjoyable and relaxed. We hung out on a sailboat, walked along the beach, clammed and made a phenomenal clam dinner and showered in an outdoor shower with sun shining on our faces. We sat in Adirondack chairs looking at green lawns and blue waters. We talked about our pasts and presents and laughed a lot. I love my family, and feel an enormous pride in our relationships with one another as well as the relationships our children have with their cousins. There is something peculiar to, and special about, families. On some level (if we are lucky) we get to work through issues with a stronger sense of safety and a shared history. At least, that is my take. 

Six people from our original three siblings and their families were missing from this weekend’s festivities. We are hoping to take another stab at this next year, and get everyone. Regardless, the experience was a nurturing one, one we will remember for a long time, and a step in the right direction.